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恋爱从失恋开始

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国内第一本以具体操作方法写成的失恋开导书,手把手传授情感逆袭之道,非隔靴搔痒的治愈系美文。
真正健康的恋爱讲究的是平衡,平衡的男女关系才是恋爱长久的王道。
“挽回”必败。拯救失去的爱情不是靠“挽回”,而是要“逆转”——从被“分手”到被“求复合”。
从恋爱投资、需求感、托付心态、服从法则、格局思想、社交价值、生活重建等全方面提供恋爱不畅的解决方案,实现爱情大逆袭。

Content Description

《恋爱从失恋开始》这是国内第一本以具体操作方法写成的失恋开导书,有别于其他所有治愈系美文。本书崇尚平衡的男女关系,只有平衡的关系才能长久。本书并不认可挽回恋情,本书的宗旨是,帮助失恋的人实现爱情大逆转:让被“分手”的你,实现被“求复合”。
《恋爱从失恋开始》将从恋爱投资、需求感、托付心态、服从法则、格局思想、社交价值、重建生活等多个方面阐述失恋逆转的相关原理和操作办法。最终帮助所有恋爱不畅的人走出阴霾,重新获得美好的爱情。
Author Description

林孑,为了方便沟通,网友称之为“林子”,大学毕业后接触到两性吸引的学问,潜心研究男女恋爱关系,颇有心得,后在豆瓣小组陆续写成“林孑失恋开导流程”,受到众多失恋以及恋爱不畅的朋友们的追捧。无数人受其影响,开始研究两性吸引的学问,探究在男女交往中两性关系的秘密。现今,林子创办了“林孑工作室”,希望可以帮助更多恋爱不畅的人走出感情的阴霾,重新获得美好的爱情。
Comments

你不可能没心没肺地就把一场恋爱谈好。这话真有道理,恋爱也是个项目,林孑理智地分析强过贴心的抚慰。被追的时候不能懈怠、忘记思考,被甩的时候倒得任由他去。下次恋爱一定把心肺智慧都用上。失恋是堂复习课,准备下次再开考。
——呆子子


聪明的林孑,我是专门来感激你的,你的失恋流程我全部拜读了,我现在才领悟了我失恋的原因。
——米兰妮


谢谢你。如果早几天看到你的文章,我们也许就不会分手了。
——愤怒的灵魂


林孑说得很对的,最低智商、最没用的人才是直接去挽回。要想以后不会再发生被甩的事情,就是要把对方重新吸引过来。
——虚荣心小姐

Catalogue

网友如是说 001
前言 001
Part One 恋爱的那些秘密
002 男女关系平衡理论
011 投资学――究竟什么是感情
021 神秘的“吸引学”
030 最糟糕的恋爱模式
043 秘密:他为什么离开你
Part Two 失恋,遇见更好的自己
058 男人烦了,你就完了
065 消除“托付心态”――你要独立
075 生气吗?你只是在生自己的气
082 认清自己,我们都是弱者
086 番外篇:我和畅畅的故事
Part Three 失恋,逆转的艺术
096 失恋逆转整体操作流程
106 “断联”的有效原理是什么
117 逆转的两个前提条件
132 逆转法则之一:服从法则
142 逆转法则之二:降低需求感
147 逆转法则之三:扩大社交圈
154 逆转――找回“生活的盼头”
160 番外篇:林孑的故事
Part Four 恋爱,从失恋开始
170 人都是花心的
176 恋爱中的“一个巴掌拍不响”
183 “吸引”是两个人的情不自.禁
188 挽回必败――“格局思想”
194 男人是需要调教的
202 番外篇:《爱情公寓》的启示
恋爱那些事 209
从失恋开始 220
后记 241

Book Abstract

失恋了我们为什么难过
失恋了,人就会难过。 我相信那种痛到心碎的感觉一定是每一个失恋人都终身难忘的。
我们先从恋爱投资学的角度分析失恋为什么会让人难过,恋爱投资学贯穿整个恋爱过程,因此掌握恋爱投资学非常重要。
我们绝大多数人都会有这样一种想法:有投资,就应该有回报。结合到恋爱中就是:有投资,也就是付出,就希望能收获相应的果实。
我所说的投资,不是狭隘地指金钱上的投资。我们在恋爱中的投资包括情感、精力、时间、金钱等,特别是情感上的投资。
比如说:一对恋人在一起相恋了4年,到最后分手了,那肯定是要难过的。
为什么?
你想想看,在这两人共同度过的4年中,他们投入了多少的情感、时间、精力、金钱?闭上眼睛,满脑子都是两人一起去过的那些地方,发生过的那么多事情,快乐的、难过的、温暖的、遗憾的……想都想不完。
特别是初恋,一般人都是非常认真、非常投入的,所以付出(投资)也是非常多的。
那么,请思考这个问题:分手意味着什么?
分手是一件很严重的事,因为分手意味着你什么都没有了。
4年的感情,你投资了那么多的情感、精力、时间、金钱,可是到头来呢,你们分手了,你什么都没有了,你之前所有的投资都打水漂了,除了回忆,没有其他任何回报。
人往往就是这样:对于一些事物,自己在上面做了大量的投资,但到头来却一无所获,这时候人就会失落,就会伤心、难过。恋爱也是如此:我们为之付出了那么多的情感、精力、时间,还有金钱,但是一旦分手,除了回忆,什么也没有了——这真是很令人伤心、难过!
这样一来就有一个问题:失恋了,我们难过,可我们究竟是为什么而难过,是因为失去了那个人,还是因为自己的付出全白费了?
很多时候,失恋后我们难过,不一定是因为我们有多么喜欢那个人,说真的。也许真没想象中的那么喜欢,更不是离不开他,只不过是我们为之付出的太多了,“不愿意放手”就是这个意思。
很多时候,我们不放手,并不是舍不得那个人,我们只是舍不得那些投资罢了。
怎样让一个人爱上自己
从产生感情的过程来看,首先你要具备能够吸引他、能引起他的兴趣的价值,这是最基本的,至少你的个人价值不至于低到让对方讨厌,甚至不屑一顾。
如果你们之间的价值差距实在太大,那么我有两个建议:
1.努力提升自己的价值,缩小差距,甚至超越他;
2.直接放弃。
然后,你要做的就是在他面前展示你的价值,特别是他感兴趣的那一方面。你这么做的目的,是引起他的关注。他在关注你,实际上就是在对你进行投资。
但仅仅是简单的、初步的关注还不够。记住,感情是建立在时间和精力投资的基础上的。你需要想方设法地让他持续对你进行投资。
实际上,他在想你,他关心你,他对你嘘寒问暖,他关注你的QQ心情,关注你的微博……这一切,都是他在对你进行投资。你需要创造使他对你进行投资的机会,而且是对这种投资有所期待的那种。
而一旦这种投资持续到足够的时间或者积累到一定的量,那么他就会对你产生感情。时间越长,积累的量越大,这种感情就越深厚。
所以,回答这个问题:怎样让一个人爱上自己?
答案就是:先让他对你有兴趣,然后想办法让他对你进行持续的投资即可。
他对你投资越来越多,也就会对你用情越来越深。
“吸引”是两个人的情不自禁
有几个问题,不知大家想过没有:
他为什么拒绝你?
为什么开始对你冷淡?
为什么说不喜欢你了?
为什么说对你没感觉了?
为什么劈腿了?
为什么跟你分手?
你再怎么求他,甚至跪下来抱住他的大腿,他都不回头了。他那么冷,冷得让你心碎,让你心寒,让你流泪。
这一切究竟是为什么?他为什么不喜欢你,或者说不再喜欢你了?
因为吸引。
因为你已经不能够再吸引他了。
很多人问:我们几年的感情,难道他没有真心爱过我吗?
我回答你,别看他现在对你冷,但是当初他确实是真心爱你的。我保证,当初他确实是真心的。只是,现在不爱了,不喜欢了。
关于喜欢一个人,我要提醒一下朋友们:
喜欢一个人不是主动的行为,而是被动的。你这个姑娘很有魅力,柔情似水,那么就会对他产生吸引力,他就会喜欢你。
而不是一个姑娘去对男孩说:你来喜欢我啊,快来喜欢我啊。你知道吗?我喜欢你,很喜欢你,所以你也快来喜欢我啊。
很多姑娘会说让人很无奈的话:你干吗不喜欢我啊?
要明白,是你吸引了我,我被你吸引了,然后我才会去喜欢你。你这个人不能吸引我,不是我的菜,你却要求我拼命去喜欢你,拼命去爱你,这真是很让人“蛋疼”啊!
如果他不是发自真心地喜欢你,你一眼就能看出来。恋爱是两个人的相互吸引,是两个人的情不自禁。所以,各位一定要记住顺序,记住逻辑关系:先有两个人的相互吸引,而后才有喜欢,才有男女之间的恋爱。没有吸引,就没有喜欢。
在感情中,在男女关系中,记住:没有吸引,就没有一切!
……

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